


Superman, Batman, Joker, and a Popsicle

by SmartCoffee



Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Cold, Crime Fighting, Frenemies, Friendship, Gen, Paradox, Puzzles, Teams, Villains, freeze - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmartCoffee/pseuds/SmartCoffee
Summary: Do you have a nosy friend that insists on helping you even when you say you don't need help? For Batman, that nosy friend wears a red cape.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: DCU Flash Fiction Collection





	Superman, Batman, Joker, and a Popsicle

One day Batman said to Superman, "I may have reached a stalemate with the Joker. If I send him to Arkham, he will con his way out again and terrorize Gotham. If I kill him, I would be violating my moral code. Any other option seems too weak to work."

Superman said, "Hmm, that's a tough problem. Give me a few minutes."

Batman said, "I don't like the sound of this."

(15 minutes later)

Superman said, "Okay, I'm back. I solved your Joker problem."

Batman asked, "What did you do?"

Superman replied, "I blew on him with Freeze Breath, encasing him in ice. Picture the Joker as a grape popsicle. I deposited him at S.T.A.R. Labs where they can keep him in cryogenic stasis. They'll maintain him in that condition until psychiatry advances to the point that doctors can cure someone as disturbed as him. But in the meantime, he's chilled to -20 Fahrenheit and under 24/7 surveillance."

Batman said, "No, Superman. Unacceptable. From now on, never interact with any criminal in Gotham City unless I tell you to. I have a contact at S.T.A.R. Labs who I can reach out to so I can undo what you did."

Superman, confused, asked, "I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?"

Batman said, "This is why it's impossible to make a decent movie about you." He disappeared, as he usually did. Instant disappearing is a strange trick. It's not clear whether he learned the trick from the Navy SEALs or whether they learned it from him.

Superman, looking around, said, "I don't get it. What did I do wrong?"

Four hours later, Batman called Diana, "Diana, you won't believe what Clark did to me today."

"He's a simple guy, honey. He's almost like a puppy. He has good intentions but he doesn't know what it's like to be human," said Wonder Woman.


End file.
